Surface Tension
by tal-pinay
Summary: Adjusting back to being O'Neill and Carter after spending time as Jona and Thera.
1. Chapter 1

What an irony.

They just escaped a life that taught it was an honor to serve, so they could go back to their own life that taught them that service is the highest honor.

I

Indeed, it was more or less all the same. Whatever planet they went to, whichever alien race they met – their mission had been to free the inhabitants- from their problems, enemies, monsters, anything.

She's duty bound to give her life to FREE other people from whatever's been enslaving them. But who were they to think they had a better lot than those slaves they freed? How were they better? Because the ice people didn't know that they were being forced to serve? How could choosing to serve - with eyes, minds and hearts open -be better?

Sam shut her laptop. Checking the clock in her lab, she realized she'd spent more time thinking than reviewing her mission report on P3X 118. She knew her rationalizations were getting worse and more complicated.

Breathing out a sigh, she opened her laptop again and willed herself to focus on the blinking text on the screen, and not on the subtext.

"Carter, a moment," his voice rang in her ears, hurtling her back to that place, the hissing pipes, the heat of the engine, his comforting embrace.

"Sir, just reviewing my report," she said as stoically as she could.

She didn't glance up, but she could make him out on her doorway, standing there as always, a larger than life presence.

"I'm done with mine. Just wanted to know if you need any help with yours."

He threw the file on her table. Jack didn't expect her to look at him, and it was better that way. For now. He knew all they needed was time to adjust back to their own reality. Damn it, they've done this countless times. The virus, the light, whatever goddamn thingie it was that messed with their heads, they've overcome and more.

She stood up and came face to face with him. Briefly their eyes met, and as was customary, they hurriedly looked away. It was too soon. Habits - hugs, holding hands, nuzzling – were easy to unlearn. Unlearning feelings was a little harder.

She stared at the brown folder marked, P3X 118. Of course. There were a few missions where the Colonel had actually taken the time to do his report and this definitely had to be one of them. Needing any help actually meant: please make your report consistent with mine. Specially for this one where too many lines were crossed.

In truth, the top brass wouldn't care about the fact that she and the Colonel shared a bunk together. The military had always been very technical about things: Sharing a bunk together, while naked, was ok, as long as there was no touching.

Touching. "Got you Sir, I'll make sure." Her tone was heavy and he knew not to push her now. It's only been two weeks.

Being Thera was the best time of her life. Ahhh. Ironies never end. The happiest moment of her life was when she was living another's.

"Maybe Carlin was right. We're part of something bigger than this." After Thor it was Carlin who brought up the idea of a life other than what they have.

"Keep quiet, or they will think you're night sick." Jona told her. Though in his mind, he knew Carlin was right. Something was amiss in the life he was having now. His former job of mining was vague. Seeing images of himself shoving coal in a cart wasn't much of a past.

Thera felt the same way as Carlin but for a different reason. She looked at Jona. She only knew him a month now. And yet she felt like she knew him forever. And their quiet times together, huddled in a corner, amidst steaming pipes and the sound of whirring machines was a piece of heaven for them both.

During the first workers' assembly, when Brennan was briefing them all about the catastrophe in their planet, the first person to catch her eye among the hundreds of people there was Jona. He stood out with his superior air and confidence. There was something about his features too that evoked a pleasant feeling deep within her. It was attraction, but more.

The moment their eyes met, she was almost sure they had known each other for a long time. She felt something in her stir as his eyes bore into her. She felt something. Longing. An impossible feeling for someone she just knew.

"I have been having these dreams too. I remember symbols, DHD, GDO, I just don't know what they mean."

He didn't say anthing, instead, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer.

"What about you, do you have anything?" she asked.

He looked at Thera briefly before managing to say, "I have dreams of.. other things."

Jona caught Thera's impish smile which made him think how he could feel deeply about someone he supposedly just met. He knew it the first time their eyes held each other. She was very familiar in every way. Thus, it was but natural that they became fast friends. And everytime they were together he felt an odd mix of joy and pain. He loved hearing her voice, and having her hovering around him. It felt like a dream that had finally happened. And he did have dreams too, which he couldn't tell her, maybe not yet.

Those dreams made touching her seem to be so natural, yet something stopped him from going further than holding her like he was doing now. It was an irony that plagued and wore him out.

He distinctly remembered something else too. That feeling of anticipation, of wanting her. Somehow he thought he knew the curves and plains of her body as if it was imprinted on his mind. He knew her, the way she sounded, smelled, moved long before he met her. Or were these all just dreams.

Because if there's one thing that Jona remembered most, it's that familiar aching need, for Thera.

"Let's go before they think we're night sick." Jona got up from where he was sitting, as Thera reluctantly followed.


	2. Chapter 2

Surface Tension:

Part 2

A month in the mines had been bearable because they had each other. They shared quarters, even slept on one bed. But the dire conditions prevented them from doing anything except hold each other in the dark, telling imagined stories of their colorful lives up on the surface.

Every night, sleep was a struggle, as that aching need mounted between them.

There was something wrong and yet right with that need.

"Meet me at the shower later before the assembly," he whispered in her ear.

She nodded, with a full understanding of what was going to happen.

The entire day she worked her mind was on something else.

She knew why her heart hammered in her chest as she took off her clothes and stepped under the spray of cold water, because they had done this before. She was sure of it. Not even the trauma of the catastrophe in their planet would erase that truth. She just wasn't sure why the administrators hid that fact from them. Because if there's anything that Thera was sure of, it's that they were lovers before and not complete strangers as the authority would have them believe. There were rumors of a timestamp that erased the memories of the workers. So they could focus on the important task at hand, lest they all die of cold.

But when he joined her in the stall; when she felt his appreciative eyes on her nakedness; she had an instinct to cover herself and run away.

She knew he felt it too, the hesitation was written all over his face when she turned around to face him.

It was almost as if what they were doing was forbidden.

"Jona," she whispered in his mouth.

He kissed her fiercely, silencing both their inner fears while quenching a hunger that seemed to have long been there. As she tasted the salt of his skin on her tongue, brief flashes of images appeared in her mind.

"What's wrong?" His eyes were probing.

"Nothing Sir," she pulled him abruptly and kissed him hard, trying to ignore the noise of memories flooding her brain.

 _There was a room with glowing light. They were there wearing strange clothes and carrying weapons. Walking on a beach._

" _It's a nice beach."_

" _It'd be a good excuse for you, wouldn't it? To do nothing for a while._

" _What?_

" _Forget it."_

" _That would be, Forget it, Sir."_

He pushed her away gently.

"What did you call me?"

"What?" she looked up at him, and brushed his wet silver hair away from his eyes.

"You called me Sir,"

Sir. The word sent shivers down her spine. Why did that word feel so uncomfortable.

"No I didn't" Her tone was unsure.

"Yes you did, Carter."

 _Carter._ The name flooded their mind with images.

 _There was something between them, a wall. Lighted numbers were counting off. Jona was running to her, but he couldn't reach for her. The wall was making it impossible. The pained look in her eyes… "I felt like someone who was about to die."_

" _Sir just go." "No"_

 _He was furiously banging at that invisible wall._

They paused to look at each other's faces, as if they could find the answers there.

Their reverie broke as the loud siren sounded, signaling the daily assembly of the workers.

"Same time tomorrow," he managed to whisper before he left her.


	3. Chapter 3

As far as Jack was concerned, he'd been doing a fine good job of leaving it in the room. He d made sure that whatever he'd do for Sam, he would do for the rest of his team. Except for that one time when he kissed her, which she won't remember anyway. Or that time when he put that lecherous male alien in his place with a right hook. Except those, and probably the other unmentionables which were all securely confined in his head.

As far as Jack was concerned, he'd been doing a fine good job until this mission. Ironic as it already was, this whole mission was just like that hissing valve in the ice planet. It kept threatening to blow up because it was stuffed with all sorts of gunk and goo. And if it wasn't ironic enough, Carter was the one who had thought about ways to ease the pressure off the valves. Easing the pressure. Was it the universe again playing this lame joke on him? After stuffing everything in that goddamned room, the universe would present so many opportunities for him to let the valves blow. After saving its ass countless of times, this is how the universe repays him? Nevermind him. He knew Carter felt a hundred times worse than he did. Maybe he had a hint with the way her wall was so up, and impenetrable. He could ask Daniel's help. But his friend was also dealing with his own demons. He wished there was a way he could reach out to Carter without overstepping his role.

For now, his simplified report would probably help her untangle the complications of that mission.

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 _That day was particularly hard. Thera had been trying to tell Brenna that she could help make their lives easier by setting up and automatic release valve so the stabilizers won't get clogged and blow up. Jona was in awe as she was explaining it to him. There was that familiar feeling again, of joy and warmth whenever he'd listen to her talk on and on about her doohickeys. Doohickeys? It's an expression perhaps._

" _Hey, Thera."_

" _Jona," she gave him an impish smile._

" _I was wondering, if we could.. tonight," he was anxious and couldn't really wait for tomorrow._

" _Ok," she said after giving his hand a squeeze._

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 _He was pretty sure they had done this before. Countless times. Before they were sent down to that pitiless hell, they had done this. He recognized her - how she felt, sounded, smelled and moved. He also knew that later, she would leave him breathless and fully satisfied, as she had always done. Their moments together were impressed on his mind as clearly as they were happening that moment._

 _There was also no doubt in her mind that they had done this. Although there were missing pieces of their lives in her memory, his body, his breath, his hands were all too familiar for her to forget. Her mind wandered to the vivid images of their long and languorous moments together up on the beautiful surface of their planet, before the toxic air made it uninhabitable._

 _They have had done this. Their bodies wouldn't move in such synchronized rhythm if they hadn't._

 _And yet, why did this feel so – new. When she felt his appreciative eyes on her nakedness. When she moaned as he captured her lips. When they kissed. Why did the mere touch of their skin almost consume them. It was almost as if what they were doing was forbidden._

 _He kissed her more fiercely, while she opened herself further to him, guiding him to places in her body, which would make her remember. And as he felt his lips and tongue traveling the length of her, brief flashes of their past appeared in her mind once again, making her body tense._

" _Thera what is it?" His eyes had softened, a stark contrast from the lustful fury they held earlier._

" _Nothing Sir."_

 _His brows knotted._

" _You called me Sir again."_

" _What's happening to us Jack."_

 _Jack. They both froze._

" _I didn't leave because I'd rather have died myself than leave Carter."_

 _Because I care about her, a lot more than I'm supposed to._

 _There was an armband. They were zatarcs._

 _He's Colonel Jack O'Neill. She's Major Samantha Carter._

 _They were members of Stargate SG1 on Earth._

 _Carter took a moment to search his face if he remembered too. He was looking down as if searching for something. Everything rushed back to them in one fluid stream. They hurriedly regained their decency as the reality hit them both._

" _Carter, we're SG1."_

" _Daniel and Tealc, Carlin and Tor." She looked back at him, in confusion and fear._

 _They were barely out the door when Calder and his team had them both dragged to the office. Unknown to them, they were already being monitored for having gone missing in their lines. Calder was specially careful for the two to bond, as it could lead to them discovering the truth about themselves. And he was right._

" _Carlin, you're Daniel Jackson! We're from Earth!" Jack called out to his teammates as he was being led away._

" _There's a city on this surface! You're being enslaved." Sam shouted at the top of her voice._

 _Their words echoed through the assembly before their memories were stamped out again_

" _Nightsick. They're night sick," Carlin whispered to himself as he saw the two being dragged away._

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 _Brenna looked out into the domed city. For a month now, ever since Colonel O'Neill's team visited them, her previous misgivings had become full-blown. It wasn't right what they were doing. Enslaving people. Lying to them and stealing their memories and lives. She wanted to correct it. She wanted to alter it and set everything right._

 _When Tor was dying, Brenna thought it was the best opportunity to tell the Earth people the truth. She knew they would help her. And even on her dying moments, she was thankful that it had happened. Finally, they were all free._

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She hadn't eaten since he left her in the lab to finish the report. She'd found her self-deprivation routine effective in accomplishing something. It had become her subconscious habit to punish herself first to get a reward later. It didn't take a genius to know that her self-deprivation technique had spilled over to other things in her life. Although it didn't seem to work in those other departments. It just ended with her holding out for something - or someone – and getting used to the pain of pining.

With reports in her hand, she went to his office, her feet on autopilot as her mind wandered.

It was past 2000 hours. The door was open, which meant he was waiting for her so she went in without waiting for a response.

He was standing by his open window, oblivious that she'd walked in.

"Colonel," she called his attention.

He whirled round to face her. She realized she hadn't given him a good look since they came back. He was unshaven. The tired look on his face gave her heart a squeeze.

He regarded her for a moment. She wasn't Thera anymore. Here she was Carter.

Eyeing the files on her hand, he walked towards her and motioned for her to sit down.

"Carter," he sat down opposite her. She knew he was about to level with her. This would've been easy in other chains of command, in a normal circumstance. But nothing about them, their work, their last mission had been normal. Still, he had no option but to do this by the book.

"This is –hard," he lost his practiced speech as he focused on her face. Jona again overcame him as he breathed in her scent and his fingers brushed her knees. Suddenly they were back in their hidden alcove, talking, touching freely.

She didn't say anything. Her thoughts were coming in waves, but her mind was too muddled to filter out what she couldn't say. She was Major Carter now. It took all her might not to touch his face.

"I can give you some time off," he said gently.

"That'd be worse," she breathed out and looked down in painful admission that she didn't have a life outside of SGC. Time off would mean staying home and having lots and lots of time to think about – what happened to them in that ice planet.

"I agree. So I'm transferring you to another team for the moment," he treaded carefully. He knew she wasn't going to like that one bit.

"No!" her eyes shot up. Working with other SG teams wasn't a problem. But she knew what that would mean in the long-term. The SGC Command might just decide to keep her out of SG1, out of his – life.

"What would you have me do Captain," he struggled to keep his cool as his breathing came faster. He was out of options.

She took her time before responding. He was asking her what to do. She closed her eyes to think of something but her mind was just too clouded. Was he asking Thera or Sam?

"I don't know. Maybe talk to me," her response was clearly Thera's but it was too late to get her words back.

Leaning back on his chair, his hands on his face, Jack breathed out his frustration. This was the worst time for her to be weak and vulnerable, because he was feeling broken too. Jona was still in there waiting for the opportune time. Just being near her made Jona resurface and lead them back to that forbidden place where they were untethered by stupid regulations. And to talk about their feelings would lead him to a more disastrous path.

"Talk?" he stood up and regained his CO self back by degrading her idea.

"Yes talk to me! How do you feel about all this?" she got up from her chair too, as she was far-gone now as Thera, the hissing pipes and hot engine steam were once again in her head drowning out Major Carter.

Jack recognized it was Thera's hands clutching his chest, her red face inches away from him. But they had to go back to their reality. This, now, the SGC. He had to bring back his second in command.

"Talk about our FEELINGS Major? Didn't you want them locked up in that goddamned room," without taking his eyes off her, he made his point in a resounding voice.

The sting of truth hit her. She willed herself not to cry. No, not there, not in front of him. She withdrew her hands, and the room was once again still and hollow and cold. He wasn't Jona. She wasn't Thera. She was Major Doctor Samantha Carter. Her job was to save the world. All the other things had no place in their reality. As her eyes swept across the room, all the bitter reminders of who they were became all too real. And when she glanced back up she saw the hard lines on his face. He was Colonel O'Neill, her commanding officer. They were Air Force personnel bound by regulations.

"God, I'm sorry Sir," Sam slumped back in her chair and buried her face in her hands. Thera was defeated.

It should be a win, but seeing her crushed by their own reality broke his heart into a million pieces. He knelt down and took her hands in his.

"Carter, we can do this. We've done this," he whispered sternly.

"Of course Sir," she stared back at him. He was right. She was the one who chose to deny their feelings. And when they have resurfaced in another life, she was too damn quick to fuel the fire.

He led them both up and wrapped her in his arms. She hugged him back.

They stood there for what seemed like an eternity, holding each other tightly for one last time, as Jona and Thera.


End file.
